Incessantly Yours
by SomeKindOfRomance
Summary: [SLASH]Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and others... This is gonna make for a pretty slashy summer.
1. Chapter 1

You wanna know what the pairings are in the story? Good for you. I'm not gonna tell you, because if I do, then you will expect it. What's the fun in that? You all remember Flora, right? From kindergarten. Lots o' dialogue in this first chapter. 

**Incessantly Yours**

19 year old Kyle Broflovski stepped out of his mother's van and onto the pavement outside his driveway. He glanced around at the familiar surroundings, taking it all in. After being away for an entire college year, things seemed foreign to the boy.

"Kyle, your stuff isn't gonna unpack itself, and I sure as hell wont do it all on my own." Ike Broflovski kicked the muddy tires on the van, impatiently waiting for his brother to unload a year's worth of living.

"Can you hold on a minute?"

"Not really. I need the van to go over Flora's."

"Who's Flora?"

"My girlfriend."

Kyle turned around to face his brother, genuinely interested in the topic at hand. "Since when do you have a girlfriend?"

"Uh..." Ike shifted his weight onto his left leg and folded his arms across his chest. "Kyle, she's been my girlfriend for the past year. She's the one that sent you that care package in the mail."

Kyle smiled, remembering the basket full of sugar free cookies and Tolstoy books. "Oh yea. Wait a minute.. Since when do you drive?"

Ike rolled his eyes and brought his hands up to his temples in utter frustration. "Since I got my license 3 months ago. You congratulated me on it.. recall?"

"Not really."

"Pot head." Ike grabbed a trash bag full of the other boy's clothes and headed into the house.

"Look who's talking!" Kyle yelled. He let out a deep sigh and opened the sliding door to the van. "I'm back." He picked his TV up and walked into the home he hadn't stepped foot in for what seemed like ages. Apon entering through the door, he came face to face with his father.

"Son."

"Dad?"

"It's good to have you home." He gave Kyle a pat on the back and walked into the kitchen.

"It's good to be home," the redhead said to himself. He padded up the stairs with his TV, placed it on his desk and fell into a heap on his futon. "What am I gonna do with myself?"

"Easy, jack off." Ike stood in the door frame and supressed a laugh.

"What?"

"It's what I do whenever I don't know what to do with myself."

"Sick dude! Get the hell out of my room!"

"Ok... Sooooo I wont give you the phone." The black haired Canadian put the phone up to his ear. "Sorry Stan, Kyle's too busy jacking off."

"Ike! Give me the phone!"

Ike presented Kyle with an evil smirk before tossing the phone on the futon.

"Bastard." He waited till Ike left the room to pick up the phone. "Hey guy, what's up?"

"Nothing. I heard you were back in town, so I decided to give you a call."

"Well that was very nice of you."

"I can call back though."

"Nah, why would you do that?"

"Well I hate to be interrupted when I'm beating off so-"

"I was not beating off!"

"Cool it kid.. I was just busting your balls."

"Oh, sorry. I'm just a little uptight."

"I'll fix that. Come over and I'll loosen you up a bit. I've got some Jacky D under my bed."

"I hate Jack Daniels. That stuff is disgusting."

"Hey, it gets the job done. After a few shots you wont even mind the taste... So get your skinny white ass over here."

"Alright, I need to finish unloading my stuff first."

"How long's that gonna take?"

"About an hour or so.."

"Ahh I can't wait that long. Hold on, I'll be right over." Within seconds, the phone was hung up and Kyle was met with the sound of a dial tone. He reluctantly got out of his comfortable heap and headed downstairs.

"You hungry Buhbie?" He heard his mom call from the kitchen. "I have some pizza."

"Sure Ma. Is there enough for Stan? He's coming over."

"Stan's in Dover?"

"No Ma." Kyle forgot that his mother was going deaf. He walked into the kitchen, gave her a hug and repeated himself. "Stan's coming over."

"Oh really? I haven't seen that boy in ages. How's he doing? Is he still playing football?"

"Yea Ma. Notre Dame, remember?"

"Oh yes that's right." She took out a pizza cutter and started to slice the pizza.

"Smells good Ma. It must be delivery."

"No, it's DiGiorno."

Kyle let out a hearty laugh and was met with his mother's puzzled expression.

"What's so funny about DiGiorno?"

"Ma, haven't you ever seen the commercials? Oh wait.. They don't show them on public access. I'll show you next time it's on. You'll get it, and next time we do this little play on words, you'll be able to laugh with me."

"Sounds good Buhbie."

Kyle pulled his mother into a quick embrace. "Now that I'm home for the summer I can give you lots of hugs."

"Stop trying to get extra pizza."

"Ahh Ma, that hurts." Kyle feigned a hurt look and glanced over to the door where his raven haired friend now stood. He motioned for the other boy to come in.

"Stanley!" Mrs. Broflovski seemed utterly thrilled beyond belief. "How was your year at Yale?"

"Oh, you mean Notre Dame," Stan corrected. "It was fine... Except for the fact that I didn't get to play a single game. They never have freshmen on first string.. unless you're the LeBron James of football."

"LeWhat Who?"

"He's a basketball player, Ma." Kyle offered his clueless mother a smile and motioned for Stan to follow him out of the house. Both boys trudged down the driveway and to the van. "Sorry dude," Kyle apologized. "It's kinda frustrating."

"Hey, there's nothing she can do about it."

Kyle knew this much was true. His mother had been in a terrible accident a year before he went away to college. She hit another car head on and in turn killed a good amount of brain cells. "I know. I feel so bad though. Her hearing's going too."

"That's probably the aging thing. My mom's going a little deaf herself." Stan picked up a box labeled 'Kyle's Stuf,' and headed towards the door. "Dude," he stopped mid driveway and turned around to face his friend. "You went to Harvard and you can't spell 'stuff?'"

"I ran out of marker!" Kyle protested.

"It's ok to be illiterate, Kyle."

"Fuck you," Kyle laughed.

"Sorry, I'm not that way," Stan countered.

"Yea fucking right," Kyle pressed on. "You just radiate homosexuality."

"Look who's talking, Mr. 'I have never had a girlfriend.'"

"I have had girlfriends!"

"Cousins don't count."

"Oh, then so I guess you've never had a girlfriend either, Stan."

Stan cringed and headed into the house. The worst day in his life was the day he found out that Wendy Testaburger was his distant cousin. They broke up immediately afterwards, just in time for college.

"Somebody's a little touchy about that subject," Kyle called from outside the driveway.

"You're gonna touch what?"

Kyle turned around to come face to face with the very familiar and perverted boy that was Kenny McKormick. "You would say that, ya perv. How've you been?" The redhead pulled the other boy into a tight hug.

"I've been ok mos'ly. I been doin' some work over on Jenkin's farm."

"Oh yea? What do you do exactly?"

"Fix stuff that needs fixin'. Sometimes I just pretend to fix things. If I stay long enough, his wife feeds me apple pie." He rubbed his stomach and licked his lips.

"You've lost me... Are you talking about real apple pie, or is that some sick euphemism for some kind of sexual act?"

"Not everything I say's sexual.. and just between you and me, I haven't gotten laid since January."

"You've gotta be shitting me."

"No lie. The real world's different from highschool. All the girls just aren't as horny."

"Tell me about it."

"I thought you were gay."

"You did? Fuck! Why do people think that?"

"I'm just fuckin' around with ya."

"Oh, I uh.. knew that." Kyle threw himself into a fit of coughs in order to cover his increasingly red cheeks but Kenny paid no attention and invited himself into the Broflovski residence.

"Helllllooo?" He called, his voice echoing through the two story colonial.

"Hey dude what's up?" Stan appeared out of nowhere and punched the blonde in the small of his back.

"Ow, fucker! That hurt!"

"You're lucky Kyle's mom is going deaf. If she heard you she'd cut you with the pizza cutter."

"Pizza?" Kenny sniffed into the air and realized that he was a room away from a delicious meal. "Is there any more?"

"Yea, help yourself. Try to finish it all before Kyle comes in."

"Have you no manners, Stanley?"

"Manners? I'm surprised that's even in your vocabulary." Stan began to laugh at his own joke, but was immediately interrupted by Kenny's fist to his thigh.

"Dead leg!"

"Shit Kenny!"

"WHA- WHA- WHAAAAAATTTTTT?"

"Haha, she heard you." Kenny pushed Stan out of the way and walked into the kitchen. "He's in the livingroom, Mrs. B."

Mrs. Broflovski, all red in the face, headed in the direction that the blonde boy was now pointing to, ready to give Stan a lecture.

"Sucks to be Stan." Kenny shoved a piece of pizza into his mouth, not even bothering to chew. He almost choked from laughing when he heard Mrs. Broflovski yelling at Stan.

"What's going on?" Kyle asked as he walked into the kitchen with a rather large box.

"Stan's a schmuck."

"That's news to me," the redhead stated sarcastically. "Really, what's going on?"

"Stan got in trouble for saying shit."

"Heh.. sucks to be him."

"That's what I said."

As soon as the yelling stopped, Stan walked into the kitchen, sweat pouring down his face.

"Dude," he began, breathless, "I think I'm gonna go home and start taking my shots now." He brought a hand up to his face and wiped away the perspiration."

"Understandable," Kyle sympathized. "I'll be over in like 15 minutes. I just need to carry all this stuff upstairs."

"Alright, you coming Ken?"

"Uh, nah.. I think I'll stay here and help Kyle."

"You practically hump Jack whenever you get the chance."

"I can wait 15 minutes for a drink, Stan."

Stan cocked an eyebrow and headed out the door. "See ya in 15," he yelled from the end of the driveway.

-----

"That the last of them?"

"I guess so," Kyle answered as he flung off his sweat soaked shirt.

"That took us more than 15 minutes."

"Shit." Kyle glanced over at the clock. "45 minutes! Stan's gotta be fuming by now."

"Ahh, let his throw his little tantrum. The world doesn't revolve around football players."

"Yea, I guess you're right." Kyle began to strip off his pants and in no time he was in just his socks and boxers. "Look at your shirt Kenny. Looks like you're gonna have to wash that one extra."

"I would.. If I had a working washing machine."

"Ahh dude that sucks. Give it here, I'll throw it in with mine."

Kenny stripped off his shirt and tossed it at Kyle's face.

"Gross Kenny, this smells."

"Let's think about this for a minute, Mr. Harvard. I've been moving heavy things for the past hour. My shirt's not gonna smell like a bed of roses."

"Ehh," Kyle grunted as he headed down the hallway with clothes in hand.

Kenny took this opportunity to situate himself on Kyle's futon. "I'm never leaving! This futon is mine." He relaxed and closed his sleep depraved eyes."

"Your's my ass," Kyle whispered to himself. As soon as he finished putting the clothes in the washer, he returned to his room, ready to defend his futon. "Get up! Time to go."

"Screw time."

"If there was some way, I'd bet you would do it."

"You calling me a whore?"

"Basically, now get up," Kyle ordered. "We gotta go."

"Nuh uh. I don't gotta do anything."

"You asked for it. Time for ninja Kyle to kick your ass."

"Ninja Kyle?" Kenny mocked.

"That's it!" Kyle jumped on top of Kenny and began to wrestle. Both boys nearly made the piece of furniture collapse. It was surprising they didn't go through the floor.

"What the hell is taking you guys-" The wrestling match was interrupted by a very drunk-off-his-ass Stan. "Uh, I'll come back later." The intoxicated boy stumbled out of the house as quick as he could manage.

"Shit, he probably thinks we're fucking," Kyle whined.

"What's so wrong with that?"

HA... TBC... I think...

Kenny gets the last word


	2. Chapter 2

**_Night of A Million Fucks_**

Usually Kyle had an answer and explanation for everything, but as he walked to Stan's house, he found it difficult to think of one. "Ok," he said quietly to himself. "The truth makes much more sense than anything else, but it seems less believable. If I were Stan, I wouldn't buy it. If I were Stan, I would assume that Kenny and I were about to screw. Wait a minute..." He scratched his head, having confused himself entirely. "Just stop thinking about it," he told himself. "Play it by ear... yea, that's what I'll do."

The redhead approached Stan's front door and gave it a stern knock.

"Hold on," he heard Stan call from the upstairs bathroom."

"Kay."

Kyle waited patiently for his friend to come down, but after a few minutes, he started to get anxious. "Stan," he yelled, "what the hell are you doing?"

Stan poked his head outside the bathroom window and looked down on Kyle. "Puking. I'm puking."

"Ahh dude, how much did you have?"

"Enough." Stan gave Kyle a pained look. It seemed like he was about to explode.

"Stan, I think you need to go back to the toilet," Kyle offered, genuinely worried.

"Ok I-" Stan didn't finish his sentence. He puked out the window, spraying stomach acid all over Kyle's jewfro.

"Goddamnit Stan!" Kyle started freaking out, trying to shake the vomit out of his hair. He heard muffled laughs coming from Stan's direction. "I'm glad you think this is funny, Stan."

"Sorry dude... I can see my lunch. My mom's right, I don't chew my food that well."

"Gross Stan!" Kyle turned his back and started towards his house.

"Where you going?" Stan yelled.

"I needa get this shit outta my hair."

"Just come in, use my shower."

"Are you gonna let me in?"

"The door's unlocked."

"Fucking great Stan. Maybe you could've told me that in the first place?"

"I wasn't thinking about it."

Kyle watched his friend's head disappear back into the bathroom window. He cringed when he heard Stan start to throw up again. "Sloppy drunk." Kyle opened the door and walked to the downstairs bathroom. "Towels?" he yelled.

"Under the sink," Stan yelled back.

Kyle opened the cupboard underneath the sink and a bunch of towels fell out. He tried desperately to push them all back in, and after struggling for a few minutes, he finally managed to get them all in and shut the cupboard. Soon after his battle with the towels, he took a moment to look the mirror and examine his new hair color. It was a greenish pink. "Gross, he had hotdogs." He let out a sigh of disgust as he counted more then ten little pieces of hotdog in his hair.

The redhead let out a sound of pure disgust and turned on the shower. "It only happens to me. I'm only home for two hours and Stan thinks I fucked Kenny, and he puked on me. Wonderful." He stripped off all his clothes for the second time that day and hopped into the shower. The water was warm and inviting. Kyle relaxed and let his mind wander for a few minutes, enjoying the sense of peace.

"Dude..." Stan's voice was muffled through the door. "Don't use all the hot water. I hate taking cold showers."

Kyle heard the doorknob turn. "Stan are you in here?"

"Yea, I gotta-" Stan puked all over the bathroom floor.

"Awww Stan. You're a fucking barf machine."

"You don't have to remind me."

Kyle grabbed a bottle of shampoo and squirted it into his hand. "How much Jack did you have?"

"All of it."

"Stan, what were you thinking?"

"I don't think you wanna know."

"Oh, and why is that?" Kyle started to lather the shampoo in his hair, scrubbing mercilessley."

"Because, I don't know."

"Oh, that makes perfect sense Stan." Kyle put his head under the tap and started to rinse out the shampoo."

"Well, if you must know, you two were taking such a long time, I decided to start the festivities early. After I walked in on you two doing.. whatever you were about to do, I ran home and finished the rest, hoping to forget."

"Sorry Stan," Kyle yelled. "I didn't catch that."

"Nevermind. Remember to turn on the fan when you're done."

"Kay."

Stan walked out of the bathroom, shaking his head at the day's events.

-

When Kyle finally got out of the shower, he went to sit next to Stan on the couch. The raven haired boy looked pissed beyond belief. He gripped his phone close to his ear.

"You never change, do you?...Well that doesn't say to much about you as a person, does it?...Listen, of course she's gonna be pissed at you. I'm pissed at you too, and it isn't even our anniversary...Yes, fatass.. I know we don't have an anniversary, I was trying to make a point...Good for her. If I were Wendy, I'd kick you in the balls too...You're just gonna have to do the nicest thing you can for her... I don't know. I don't have a girlfriend...No, it's just Kyle here with me, and he doesn't have a girlfriend either..."No, we aren't fucking! Goddamnit Cartman!" Stan hung up the phone angrily.

"What's the matter?"

"Cartman.. I have to go over his house for a minute. He's having relationship troubles with Wendy."

"Why does he need you?"

"Because he's pretty fucked up right now. I'm gonna try to calm him down before Wendy gets there."

"Ah man.. Whatever he did... he's gonna get his ass kicked."

"He already got a heel to the balls."

"Damn."

"Yea. Well, anyways, stay here. Order some pizza. I'll be back in a half hour at most."

"Kay."

Kyle watched as Stan put on a sweatshirt and headed out the door. "This is a pretty fucked up day right here," the redhead admitted to himself. He picked up the phone and started to dial the number to Dominos when something caught the corner of his eye. He dropped the phone to inspect the object. Wedged in between the cushions was a used, tied up condom. "Fucking gross!" He moved over to the opposite side of the couch and stared at the used form of birth control. "Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross!" For at least ten minutes, Kyle couldn't take his eyes off the condom. "I gotta get it out of here." He went into the kitchen and got a pair of salad tongs. When he returned to the livingroom, he took a big breath before scooping it up. "Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross!" he sang. He held the condom away from his face. "Holy shit. This is a Magnum. Stan must be hung like a bull." Kyle smiled to himself a little and started to picture his friend in the nude. "No Kyle... Stop, you can't think like that. Bad Kyle. What the hell am I doing?"

"It looks to me like you're standing around like an asshole," Stan answered as he opened and shut the screen door.

"Back so soon?" Kyle asked, with his back turned to the other boy.

"Yea, when I got there, they were making out on the couch. I guess all's well that ends well huh?"

"Uh.. yea.. haha."

"Kyle? Are you ok?"

"Who, me? Yea, I'm fine."

"Then why can't you look at me?"

"I don't feel like turning around. I don't wanna use up all my energy."

"Ok, then I'll come over to you."

Stan walked nonchalantly over to the redhead and laughed when he saw what he was holding. "I was wondering whether I threw that out or not."

"Here, take it... Please!" Kyle shoved the tongs and condom into Stan's hands. "How old is that dude?"

"Well, I haven't gotten laid since January."

"Oh?"

Kyle remembered his and Kenny's conversation earlier. "Kenny hasn't gotten laid since January either."

"I know."

Stan headed into the kitchen, leaving Kyle to ponder what he had just said.

"How do you know?"

"You don't wanna know."

"You guys... no... you guys... did you-"

"Fuck? Yea, we fucked alright. We call it 'The Night of A Million Fucks."

Kyle found himself not being able to breathe. With all this new information about Stan, he decided it would be best to just go home.

"Dude, I'm heading out. I feel kinda sick."

"Are you serious?"

"Yea man, I'm spent."

"Too bad, I was just gonna tell you about that night."

"Oh well uh... I guess you'll have to share it with me some other time. Thanks for the shower Stan, I'll see you tomorrow!"

Kyle headed out the door and ran all the way home.


End file.
